he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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