The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize