so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
