There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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