she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize