You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
