ya dads aren't the best wingmen
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
