But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
