It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
