Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
