At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Randomize
