I smell stomach acid.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize