His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
