I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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