I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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