so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
