dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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