You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i love accidental penises.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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