I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
