I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Alive.
So much puke
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
