I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
