she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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