I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
