The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
