Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
