I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
