I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
