So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize