I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize