Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
