did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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