my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
