The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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