got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
