He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
