Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
