Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
