Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
