Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
