Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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