dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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