yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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