She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
