I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
