Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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