ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize