My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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