chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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