Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
