Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
