i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize