god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
