I cockslap morals
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
