but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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