Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize