she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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