cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize