she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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