you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
