Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
