it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Two words: nipple clamps
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