I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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