hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
