porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize