you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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