i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
